I think it's through this word that I found one of my favorite yoga teachers.
Favorite is such an overused word. We toss it around without any consideration whatsoever.
Derek is one of my favorite teachers nonetheless. I don't care how misused this word can be, he really deserves it.
I've never actually met him, I take his classes on-line. He calls them Transitions.
The idea behind this word -and yoga class- was appealing. Could it be an approach in which points A and B were secondary and the focus would be on the journey? the in-between? Would it give me hints and explore the answer to the million-dollar-question of how the hell do I get myself from here to there...and there and there.
I've obsessively taken pretty much all his classes and it always amazes me how he weaves not only poses but music and words, he creates a sacred space that transcends geography. I can be thousand miles away yet I'm still part of his class.
Transitions are not easy. They're not easy in a yoga class and they are not easy in life.
The thing is we are always transitioning, one way or another.
I feel like I suddenly woke up in an alternate reality. I mean...drama queen-ish speaking you know.
Yesterday I had to make the rash decision of officially transitioning my favorite shirt into...a pajama.
Favorite, I know.
Did I mention I think having favorites is limiting?
If someone asks me what my favorite ice cream is I would say Chocolate, hashtag YUM.
If someone reaaaaaaaally wanted to know what my favorite ice cream is I would tell them that I actually don't have a favorite anything. I don't believe in them.
How can I claim to have a favorite something if my variety of options is only a handful of limited choices.
I can say my favorite food is sushi but that is until, let's say, you try an amazing ceviche.
Ceviche is so darn good.
So then you change your mind and now you're like "Ceviche is my favorite food in the world!" and that is until you try a Vietnamese Pho.
And so on. You get the point.
Having favorites never seemed like a choice to me. I can't pick one single band to be my favorite or one writer or a friend!
How is it ok to pick a favorite song but not a son. Favorites should be banned.
But not the word though, so I can keep using it when I refer to my shirt...and Derek.
Anyways, my shirt is a very random shirt. It's a loosely fitted white t-shirt, it has a V-shape neck and it is beautiful.
I didn't realize it was my favorite shirt until I had to stop using it. It is also undergoing a transition stage where it has stopped being white and is now aiming to an either gray and/or yellow hue. It is still undecided.
I love it because it is was white, simple and very very unpretentious. It wasn't a fashion item, it was a I-look-well-with-everything-type-of-shit. I mean shirt.
It traveled with me through Southeast Asia and while I was there I did try to go to every H&M I could to search for its replacement. The search was unsuccessful BUT looking backwards I definitely see a love affair starting to unfold.
So useless bottom line is, it has been so far my favorite shirt ever. It made me think that if I had to chose one clothing item that could define me it would be that fit-for-traveling, go-well-with-everything random white t-shirt.
I'm officially letting it go, just as I am letting go a big part of my life here in El Salvador.
One of my best friends, scratch that. One of my favorite friends is moving abroad and it hit me today that this is yet another transition. Mostly for her but I can't help but feel a little -ok a lot- sad.
It's contradictory to claim not to have favorites and then having a favorite teacher, shirt and friend but you know what?...I make my own rules and hashtag YOLO.
When I was in Costa Rica I got the feeling that the word TRUST is something I'd always been looking for. Transitions are not comfortable and some people deal with them better than others. I'm on the transitionally challenged crew.
Sometimes my inner voice seems a little shy and only whispers, I needed it to scream louder so after I came back I got it tattooed on my right wrist.
I look at it every day.
Now, back to serious business. Let's all have a minute of silence as a tribute to all those favorite t-shirts that someday had to transition its way into pajamas.
P.S. Good bye my friend. You are a gift from the universe to me and I'm always able to be myself when I'm with you. I'll miss you. A lot.
P.S'P.S. I'm not talking about my shirt.
For Derek classes you can take them online here
As I walk this path that was once a scary place for me I ask myself:
What is it that has really changed?
The path caresses the same boundaries, the sounds are as loud and deafening as they used to be, the smell is a hidden but misleading sweetness yet as I keep walking I find that now it is a place quite opposite to scary. I find it welcoming.
Before entering this void I remember convincing myself that I had to rush my way through it. Now, every time I'm about to enter this dark place I feel empowered.
"This is it. Go." I tell myself softly.
Now as I start to walk, I don't rush but I wander.
Aren't we born from a void anyways? aren't we gestated in a lightless, borderless womb?
Once we enter this life we are presented with two options. Either we rush through life or we become wanderers.
The ones who chose to become wanderers instantly join a tribe. A tribe of misfits. Always too weird to be normal, too vegetarian to be careless, to careless to be serious, too serious to be free. We never fit in, we are never satisfied, always looking for more questions, always looking for new places.
We thrive in the unknown, finding joy in having no answers.
As we know that as soon as we get a definite answer we become stuck. We are glued to the ground with the concrete of certainty.
That is why instead of answers we enter an eternal quest for inquiry.
It is a life filled with improvised decisions and it is, for sure, the road less traveled but full of lessons and treasures. Filled with love and acceptance.
Nature is so wise. When did we stop learning from it?
As I stop to contemplate this path where I can't see neither its beginning or its end, I ask myself:
What wants to happens now?
The short answer is that I want to keep entering this void. Over and over and over.
Why? Is it less dark? less empty? less scary? No.
The long answer is that in the darkness, emptiness and fear of the unknown I found the whole universe. I found the planets and the stars, Jesus, Buddha and my grandfather chilling with all the great sages, the writers, the painters. I found the past and the future. But most important I found the eternal now where I can share my present time with everyone and everything.
It is here where I found God or better yet, God found me.
As God inhabits the most uncertain of the certain territories. He wanders in the emptiness of the unknown.
I guess that is what has really changed. The fact that I can now call this void something. I can call it God.
So every time someone tells me they're scared of the unknown I think of how I once found this void scary. What I would have lost if I decided to become a planted answering book.
Give me emptiness, give me uncertainty because I know that even if my eyes can't see it is there where I will find raw honesty, love but above all truth.
It's not a secret that I'm completely, head over heals, crazy in love with Costa Rica.
I think it is a magical country and every time I go back I get really excited just as if I was going there for the first time.
When Green Vivant asked me if I wanted to jump in and collaborate with them it was a no-brainer.
What I LOVE most about Green Vivant is that yes, they embrace a healthy living life style but their approach is more towards embracing a conscious life. It's about sustainable tourism, products, events and of course yummie and healthy recipes.
I couldn't be more excited about this. It's got all my must-have items: food, Costa Rica and...ok, I guess there're only two items on the list.
You can check them out here.