Maybe I should confess that a lot of times I get the impression that I don't quite fit in.
I'm too liberal to be considered a Christian. I'd like to think that I am Christian but not a religious person.
A yogi that's not into the yoga world. I mean, I'm not even vegetarian.
A runner that doesn't run too often. A wanderer that likes stillness.
Bits from here and there that some may call an inability to decide but I like to call it labeless.
A labeless approach that can cause endless and -for some- irritating discussions.
What is yoga? What is right? What is a real? I can argue all sides. I try to censor myself and refrain from these type of discussions though, I think no one wins in these type of arguments. They are, most of the time, a platform to showcase a series of I'm-smarter-than-you condescending statements.
I annoy the hell out of Heinz by saying everything is debatable. One of his famous quotes is "Ruth not EVERYTHING is relative" (Oh yes, he did call me by my first name). I guess this is his way of saying that I may need to pick a side on certain things.
Why should I choose between this or that? Even worst when did concepts become a package of pre-combined ideas? Why the all-or-nothing imposition?
What's wrong with being a mélange, embracing and creating our own version of things. What's wrong with being a little geeky with a hint of goofiness, a careless soul with an addiction to taking things way too seriously. A seeker of spiritual practices but promoter of non-religious ways.
It's like that with cable companies. Why do I have to buy the whole package when the only thing I want is Internet service? I don't want a telephone line. I don't want cable. I want just one thing. I don't care if its cheaper, let me choose!
Now, do I have to use labels to make it easier for others to interpret?
Nah, not interested.
It's certainly not easy -this labeless path- but things are not black and white, at least for me they aren't. Life is made of layers and shapes and depth and why make it boring and uninteresting by simplifying things to a mere label, a generalization or even worst a judgment.
This is the reason why I've always turned myself to books. Together we don't fight but build concepts, we don't destroy but create realities.
I've spent countless hours reading through travels, adventures, love and loss stories thinking it was to give my mind a break from over thinking day to day trivialities like why is the world such an evil place.
But it was in this pages that I found the exact words that could describe my feelings, my thoughts and my discomfort. Beautiful words that I would narrate to myself through quiet nights and noiseless pages. No arguments, no discussions just silent but loudly written words.
This is where I feel most comfortable, amongst covers. Hard-covers of books that are too heavy to carry but too addictive to leave at home. Too uncomfortable to hold but too good to put it down.
I mean pocket books are ok too.
Stories that show you that weather it is through a vengeance scheme or a wizardry spell, books are the place where you can make your worries simply evanesco!
I love being my own narrator both in the books I read but mostly in the life I live.
This is an homage to those I call MY books. They have been with me during insomnia-filled nights where the impossible was achieved: holding a book in my hands while staying comfortable on my bed.
This is a list of not my favorite books because God forbid I commit that literary genocide, but a list of books that I've re-read or wouldn't mind re-reading.
As you will see just as life, just as me these are too labeless creations that can't and must not be framed in one simple category.
//LE PETIT PRINCE, Antoine de Saint Exupery
A children's book for adults. Every time I read it I discover something new.
//80 DAYS AROUND THE WORLD, Jules Verne
The story of an adventureless world wanderer.
//COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO, Alexandre Dumas
An example of how the good always wins by letting evil win.
//HARRY POTTER, J.K. Rowling
An unrecognized piece of classic literature.
//HYGIÈNE DE L'ASSASIN, Amelie Nothomb.
A beautifully written gross book.
//SIDDHARTHA, Hermann Hess
A non-secular religious book ;)
//THE FAULT IN OUR STARS, John Green
Young adult adult young novel.
//ANYTHING WRITTEN BY JUNOT DIAZ.
What Junot writes is the outcome of a Dominican turned New Yorker turned Dominican in New York.
I'd say weekends here at the Kobernik's are carelessly elaborate.
They are a mix made of watching movies and mastering the art of equally alternating between eating out and cooking in.
We were on this amazing weekend streak where every single movie we watched was plain epic. Until one day we ended up watching one that wasn't. Simply unexplainable. It's not that I didn't like it, it's just that well, I didn't understand it.
Let me bring up exhibit A to elaborate my point, has anyone watched this movie by Alejandro Jodoroswky called The Holy Mountain? If you haven't please go ahead and do so, come back and shoot me an email with your interpretation because that movie was way beyond (like waaaaaaay beyond) any type of reality my mind is able to grasp.
It all started like this, during this good movie streak I ended up watching a documentary called Dune, which claimed to tell the story of the alleged greatest movie never made.
It featured Alejandro Jodorowsky, a film director who's best described as indescribable but hey, the guy seemed really cool! Every word he said had me nodding and awing, he was witty and smart, like I-got-Dali-to-be-in-my-movie kind of smart so I asked Mr. Cinema Connoisseur -A.K.A my husband- about Alejandro and suggested to watch a movie he had made. Hubby reluctantly agreed but agreed nonetheless.
Man do I regret that day.
Although I doubt Jodorowsky's intent was to make me laugh I found the movie disturbingly funny, mostly disturbing but in a good way.
After The Holy Mountain episode we decided that we would go back to plain good ol' cinema and we are in a French phase right now.
Heinz is teaching me about the Nouvelle Vague and it's cool because well, everything that comes from France is cool.
My husband is like a character taken out of a movie...OR DAWSON'S CREEK! Heinz is a film director who used to work in a video store while he was in film school. So yes, he is a real life cuter version of James Van der Beek (we won't tell him that I was always a Pacey fan) and even though we tend to disagree on which movie to watch (too out there for me, to chick flick for him), although he gets on my nerves taking hours (and I really am not being dramatic) browsing through Netflix unable to decide on one movie I really love that he knows a lot. I'm talking years, artistic movements, producers, photographers and screenwriter's name. Do you see what I have here? My very own google/IMDB hybrid real life app sitting right here with me. He really should get patented.
The only problem is he doesn't like to talk while we are watching a movie and I don't either but some times (ok, maybe a lot of times) I have so many questions about the movie that I can't pile them up until the end. I would end up talking about the movie for two full days!
Our weekend's fanciest aspect is brewing coffee. Cold brewing is currently on full throttle. The good thing, no wait, the BEST thing about this type of brewing is that you pre-make a batch and it will last you a limited amount of time depending on the your level of consumption. I'll say for us it's about two to three days.
Movies and a good cup of cold brewed coffee is weekend heaven and not all movies have had an unfavorable reception. For Heinz's last birthday I got him a copy of Les enfants du Paradis. It's a three-freaking-hour long movie. Black and white totally down Heinz's alley.
Who but most importantly, why? but I thought ...at least it's not a silent movie.
Oh Lord it was worth it. It was a perfect choice. This movie is just like the weekend, they are meant to be enjoyed.
A love story that's more about everything else than about love.
With an undefined ending but an ending nonetheless, words were ungenerous but compensated for with characters that had more brightness and contrast than a full color movie.
A story of stories in France during the German occupation. It's unpretentious French cinema at its best.
To sum up, our weekends are a perfect mix of eating out and cooking in, Nouvelle Vague and Dawson's Creek enjoyed with a cup of cold brewed coffee with almond milk. Because what is life now if not a consequence of constantly having to pick teams. What Pacey is to almond milk Dawson is to dairy.
I leave you with a snapshot of our fridge. I think it tells our story.
Oh yes, we have extented our family. His name is Archie and he likes to watch movies too, mostly French ;)
Sometimes I miss that age when snacking meant having to grab for a bag of Doritos, when the word indulge was out of my vocabulary.
I miss that labeless ingenuity of my teenage years. Generally I miss my teenage years, period.
I get nostalgic thinking about the past. Younger -not necessarily wilder- times when I felt free. Of course everything looks greener from afar because I was never really a careless girl. Too aware of the future and too self conscious about my present. I always kept myself on the side where all the over-worriers liked to hang out.
This past month Heinz and I took a trip to California. He had to study while I had to compulsively take as many yoga classes as I could. I mean, that is what you do when you are in LA!
We stayed near Santa Monica (insert a million heart emoticons here) and while Heinz took his hipster rented Prius to class I let my purple rented bike take me to wherever I wanted to go.
After Heinz was done with classes we decided to take a road trip up to Big Sur. As Keruac-esc as Heinz is he wanted to rent a proper On-the-Road-no-AC type of car but honestly, after filling up the tank with 33$ the Prius was a no-brainer.
While we were on the road I felt that teenage lightness again. The freedom that comes from having no plans or schedules, no sleeping arrangements, no list of things to do. It made me feel careless and free! Doritos-for-a-snack kind of free. Katy-Perry-cruising-in-a-convertible-with-THAT-guy-on-THAT-video-clip type of free. I mean, except I was in a Hybrid Hatchback but you know, tomayto/tomahto.
This was the first time in my life I hadn't plan a trip thoroughly. The first time we would sort of wing it!
The un-attachment of not having to be at a certain place, on a certain time. The lightness that comes from carrying only the things I needed made this trip different. I guess every trip you take IS different from the previous one but this one gave me peace.
It feels weird even just to type it. I've been looking for the right word, the term freedom -just as the concept of free will- is something I'm still making my mind about so I didn't want to use it to describe my feelings. It was the only word that would come to my mind until I thought of peace.
A peaceful, un-eventful road trip.
I follow on Instagram a few people who live and travel out of their vans. Call me crazy but Into the Wild happens to be one of my favorite movies and leaving everything behind to go into the woods is something I fantasize about. Often.
We didn't go into the woods this time but man do I crave it.
This time it was the road and a hell lot of words. The question "What do I want to do today?" is kind of magic. We drove and talked for hours, we stayed in cheap motels and talked some more.
Even though I ate enough greasy food to remind me that I'm not in my teen years anymore we made our way back feeling lighter than when we left.