I'm back and it hasn't been easy.
I haven't made it easy on me so mostly it's my fault. Guilty as charged.
On top of it, it's hard for me to talk about it.
I shut down. That's like my thing. That's why I haven't been writing. That's why I feel like I don't want to see anyone. That's why I don't want to talk about anything.
I'm trying though. This is my attempt to deal with whatever and yes, there are things I have a hard time talking about but there are other things that will get me talking in no time.
So here are a few of those things...you know...so I can loosen up a bit.
I'm currently reading The wondrous life of Oscar Wao. By currently I mean I started the book before I left -two months ago- dropped it in Hong Kong at my friends and picked it up on my way back.
I'm also writing on a separate post my thoughts on the book. Spoiler alert: awesomeness on a stick. But then again you could see that one coming since I only write about books I like.
Honestly it's what keeps me sane and that doesn't mean that I have to practice everyday but everything I've gotten out of yoga has thought me so much about myself that now, more than ever, I feel that I am in tune with my body (brain and heart included), and that for me is the ultimate definition of health -both physically and mentally- I've become my own Q&A.
I'm already working on this month's yoga playlist and even though I wasn't a crazy music fan before yoga, now I love me a good amount of good pump up songs.
I can't resist when a song I love comes up on the radio. I will turn the damn volume up and blast ma' steeeeeereooooooo and yes, throw in a few dance moves. If you see me dancing one day in the car next to you please don't be weird about it, just wave and say hi.
I'm sorting out the nearly thousand pictures Heinz and I took. Well...he is. I haven't looked at the pictures. I don't want to reminisce. I don't want to feel that now it's all just a memory. I want to feel just as I did when I was at all those amazing places. I don't want to forget how alive I felt. How much joy I can fit in my body. How far I can go. How in love Heinz and I can be.
The routine is a bummer. I wish I could thrive on a routine but I can't. I need new challenges, new places, new things and I had come to the conclusion that, on some aspects of my life, I had to settle.
No, I DON'T need to settle!
I'm happier when I'm on the move and not in a particular geographical sense but I need to feel that I am moving forward, that I am going somewhere.
Nowhere doesn't exist.
So here I am. In sunny El Salvador, trying to make sense of how I'm back to where things didn't change a single bit but me...you know...I somehow came back feeling same, same...but different.