This is a very late (I mean the hype is already over) year in retrospect post.
I need to catch up. Not only here but generally speaking I feel time is going by so fast and I'm sort of watching it go by. By writing about things is how I've discovered I integrate stuff...well that and activation of my trigger points, a nasty cold that refuses to go away and a rather disturbing and unexplainable rash I got right as the year started.
I spend the entire month of November in what I like to call my yoga sanctuary, my spiritual family home.
I was lucky to assist my very first 200HR teacher training at the Nosara Yoga Institute. This is the place where I take all my yoga trainings. "Trainings" is a very boot-camp kind of word and what we do at the Institute may be challenging and sometimes emotionally uncomfortable but it is really an oasis for the soul. So I wonder if trainings should be the right word to use?
I've been coming back to the Institute for two years and coming back as part of the faculty was pretty much beyond real.
November was a I'm-going-to-reach-high-goals type of month. It all started when I was asked to assist, that was a big challenge on its own. It was my first time assisting and the initial excitement turned into mild anxiety as the starting date approached.
As I arrived and settled at the Institute I was really happy I had allowed myself to let all my anxiety build up, if not I probably would not have felt so relieved to be reminded once again that what we do at the Institute is allow ourselves to be as anxious, introverts, imperfect as we are.
If you are ever in Nosara you will come across our tribe proudly wearing our daily outfit, the most authentic smile and a shirt that reads: "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are" - Joseph Campbell.
To wake up and show up to my 6:00AM yoga practice was my all time highest goal for the month (Ok, year) and also to write that NANOWRIMO thing.
One did happen. With the exception of an occasional Sunday that I took off there is an unfinished novel on my free 30-day trial Scrivener but a record of attendance I have never before achieved.
Writing a novel is hard but waking up before 5.30AM is harder! Kudos to me. My so called novel will have to be postponed. If anyone out there is willing to play editor on me and demand writing deadlines I think I would be willing to work out an agreement ;)
Anyways, even though November definitely takes first place as the greatest month of 2014, I have to say last year was pretty epic.
I went back to Costa Rica, stayed for a month while I took two yoga trainings. I came back and guided my very first yoga workshop. We took a month off to travel through California, drove 1368 Km with a road trip as an excuse. Had a quick flight to London to help out my sister with her sustainable fashion line (Have I mentioned she's really talented?) I finished reading 10 books which is only two books short of having read one each month!. Heinz and I watched unaccountable movies from which I must point out that Norwegian Wood was exactly what I would have expected from a Murakami story. I wrote one unfinished novel a very promising novel draft. I assisted my first teacher training, spent another month in Costa Rica, gave away more than half of my clothes (in an attempt of doing the Capsule wardrobe thing) and finally this was the year we welcomed our furry baby to our Kobernik Family.
To finish the year strong we traveled to Florida to meet with Heinz's side of the family. New year's eve is my favorite in the entire world. I don't care much about birthdays or anniversaries but New year's I love!. That whole new beginnings feeling. Nothing can beat it. Well, maybe Ice Cream.
Looking back and looking at the word I chose for last year I'd say I was pretty fearless in a lot of things. There is still one thing that I fear the most and that is writing.
I know, I would have thought snakes or spiders would have portrayed me as a more rational person but the truth is that when it comes to writing I tend to freeze. I still struggle to sit down and type. Although it is one of the things I enjoy the most. Making and giving sense to a sentence has got to be the biggest game of Tetris one can play. Unveiling feelings and thoughts is the tricky part. That's why I'm really proud of this little place I call IMakeMyself. Even though I'm not as constant in posting as I would like to be it's still here. I'm still here. Three years and counting.
This little cyberspace still draws me back and makes me want to write. Face each letter and type. I'm really proud of that, of this place that I've built. A place where I can be a yoga teacher but not write about yoga postures, where I can be a runner and not post my millage, where I can love to cook and not post my recipes. So really, this is the place where I come back and face my biggest fear of all.
I just made mine a very public struggle, but isn't that everybody's fight? To be authentic and not hide our "not-so-perfect" bits? I believe the more public we make our struggles and our in-between, the more tolerant we become with ourselves and thus the more tolerant we are toward others.
I hope everyone has that little place. May it be a blog, a practice, a something! because the truth is that there is nothing more liberating than to sit down or run forward to face those parts of us that scare us most. May we all find a place where we allow ourselves to just be. As frightened, as imperfect as we are.