Today I am following up yesterday's post. Heinz keeps saying that I make my posts too long so this time I broke it into two parts and this is the "second installment" of The courage to be imperfect.
I can't tell you exactly how I feel about it yet. I am still going through the video in my mind thinking all this time I haven't allowed myself to be vulnerable. Being numb.
I want to make up for lost time but it's hard to figure out where to start.
Being vulnerable certainly doesn't mean going around telling everybody about your childhood issues or talking to strangers about your insecurities.
I don't see vulnerability as a way to be more open about yourself with others but as a way to fully embrace who you are. There is however an undeniable connection part but that, as Brené puts it, is a result of authenticity.
I am my own starting point and here is a rough list of where I've decided to start:
1. I should not be afraid to try something out. Specially out of fear of failure.
Now, I am not talking about skydiving or that kind of YOLO things. I am talking about those things I don't try out because I may be rejected, turned down, laughed at, questioned, judged...get the idea?
Putting myself in uncomfortable situations doesn't mean that the fear will go away. It means that I am aware it exists.
2. I don't have to lower my expectations. Specially out of fear of disappointment.
Let's say you are a runner, better yet, lets say you don't even run! and you want to run a marathon. It seems so distant and impossible that you simply disregard it as a personal goal and never say it out loud because you are aware others will laugh -just as you did- at you unrealistic goal.
Let's say you are an undercover writer (someone with a regular job by day but a words enthusiast at night) and you want to write a book, blog, article, children's novel, restaurant review, etc. But deep down you know it's just easier to keep yourself doing what you do best which is writing in your journal.
Let's say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you know you can't fully commit or be like "I want to be with you forever" because the other person is not where you are so why bother.
Let's say you are single and you want to find a special someone and get married. But then you think...we live in modern times and finding love is so unnecessary nowadays that you are like "forget it...maybe it's just a hormonal thing"
Low expectations mean low disappointments right?
I've been there...no...I am there! Thinking big then thinking medium size -translate to rational- and sometimes disregarding. If it is out of fear of disappointment I won't make myself lower my expectations anymore.
3. I can be proud of myself.
You know how you sometimes make something and think "this is so pretty" and then someone else comes and says "this is ugly" and you think well I am the maker therefore I am biased. This is ugly.
I think the same happens when you've achieved something. We let other people's opinion outweigh our point of view when it should be ours the one that we cherish the most.
My opinion should be enough. I should be enough.
My list may be short but I made it out of the things I feel keep me from being fully authentic. I've known about these issues before the difference now is that I can allow myself to be open about them and put myself in a vulnerable place instead of powering through them as if letting myself embrace them is a sign of weakness.
This is a major perception shift for me and I am predicting it will be a slow but core-changing process. You gotta love those!
Are you up to making your own list? Do you have a different starting point? If you do please share.