I want to share with you today a TED talk that has been an eyeopener but mostly a perception shifter.
Brené Brown studies human connection and she gave this TED Talk in Houston. She talks about vulnerability and this is how I would sum it up (You still HAVE to watch the talk)
- Connection is why we (us humans) are here.
- Shame is the fear of disconnection. To feel there is something about me that if somebody else knows or sees about me then I won't be worthy of connection. It's universal. Everybody has it. The less you talk about it the more you have it.
- Long story short -If you watch the video you get a longer version- she realized that the people from her research could be divided into two groups: the ones who had a sense of worthiness, a strong sense of love and belonging and people who struggle for it, people who were always wondering if they're good enough. The difference between the two groups: The ones who had a sense of love and belonging BELIEVED they were worthy of love and belonging. She calls this group The whole-hearted.
- She studied the whole-hearted group to determine what all these people had in common and she discovered three things:
- They shared a sense of courage, courage to be imperfect.
- They had compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others (We can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly)
- The last thing they shared was connection as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.
- The other thing that they had in common was that they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
- She found out that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.
- We as humans numb vulnerability. The problem is we can't selectively numb emotion.
- You can't numb vulnerability, grief, shame, fear, disappointment without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.
She takes her results and interpretations and applies them to our addictions as a society, religion, politics and even how kids are being raised.
Honestly, this is a must-watch talk. I hope you do watch it and then come back and share your thoughts with me.
Have a great monday and an awesome -more vulnerable- week.