Today I had planned to write about new beginnings. How the start of a month can be seen as a kick start to a new project, goal or attitude. But I have to be honest. I don't feel like encouraging anyone when I am currently feeling exactly the opposite to encouraged.
At breakfast Heinz asked me when I was going to start running and I said I already had...on the treadmill. He knows how I feel about the treadmill so he rephrased the question. He asked me when I was REALLY going to start running. I gave him a hate stare because I didn't want to be confronted about it.
The truth is I have been wanting to go out for a run since I came back from the marathon. First it was the knee and now that the pain is gone I just can't be bothered. It's easier to hit the gym and run on the treadmill. Running outside means I either have to find a running group or drive all the way to my parents house and go out for run around their neighbourhood which is pretty much the only place I feel safe when running by myself and it doesn't mean it's totally safe. Two walkers were recently mugged and two of my friends had their cars burglarized last week.
It annoys me so much. The fact that I can't just open my door and go out for a run. It makes me feel angry, frustrated and captive! I should be able to hit the streets whenever I want to! I should be able to feel free!
I read all these blogs filled with "I went for a walk this afternoon" and "I squeezed a last minute 2 mile run in the park" stories and I get so jealous! I wish I had that kind of freedom. As for me I have to plan my runs yet not over think them too much because if I did maybe I would even attempt to run outside.
People do ask me if I've never been mugged and thankfully I can say that I haven't. But that doesn't mean it's not in my head every time I run. I am women, running outside, by myself. Yes, I can thankfully say nothing has ever happened to me but the feeling of constantly looking back, switching sidewalks when a man approaches and speeding up when a suspicious car drives by is something that can take a toll on your attitude. This post as exhibit A.
Until now I had this situation under control but my current emotional state is: completely fed up. I mean COME ON! I even have to choose what to bring with me. Forget a cell phone -that is completely out of the question- but I have to decide if I would rather have my Ipod or Garmin stolen. I can't be seen with too much gear on that would be like flashing a light in the darkness and yelling "Yo' Im here!"
I know there could be worst scenarios and maybe it's all an excuse. Maybe it's actually all this non-released running energy what is getting me into a grumpy mood. I don't know. Just give me a day. It ill pass. By no means I will give up on this running addiction. By no means I will let the system defeat me.
To all of you who are free to run wherever and whenever you like. Be grateful. Be free. BE FREE! Go out and get wet, dirty, sweaty, tired. Go out and run.
I wish you all a happy long-run weekend