First of all I want to say that I am doing a lot better with the iPhone rehab. Eventhough it got posted on Tuesday I wrote about it on Sunday. After two more days without 3G I can say I am past the withdrawal stage.
It may also help to know that my family is considering a quick visit to Nosara so …yeih!!
On Sunday we had our introduction session that was, well, an introduction…to the Institute, the teachers and students.
Monday was the first “official” day and as the day ended I had some thoughts that have stayed in my head:
This is the first time in my life that I am not “planning” an outcome. My main goal is to discover.
I want to find my own answers. I have many questions and it seems like I’m always searching for answers in books, professionals, experienced people, etc…you know…basically anywhere except within me.
I want to be ok with who I am and for that I need to discover personal boundaries and also re-discover aspects of my personality I’ve hidden in the past.
Mostly, I want to discover my own yoga practice -which for me includes all of the above-
Oh, and of course discover Nosara.
So yes, I get that I don’t need 3G for this self-discovering journey but wouldn’t YOU like to read a tweet saying what kind of smoothie I had for the day? For that and many other reasons I need internet connection.
So far what this trip and this training are doing is that they are making me face all my fears...at once!
Let us begin.
First of all there is my fear of the jungle. Then there is my fear of the dark. Put them together and you will get squeaky Ruth...you think funny? I think NOT.
I’m scared of the unknown (I got a mouthful there didn’t I?) This goes from weird bugs, untamed animals and camouflaged stingrays to darkness, uncertainty & improvisation.
I’m scared of being scared and I’m scared of sharing that I’m scared.
You see where this is going?
Here in Nosara I have no safety nets (Heinz, friends or family) so there is absolutely no one that will pep talk me. I rely on myself to get through the day.
Every day I have to go into a jungle path that takes me the Yoga Institute. I have classes 3 times a day so that means I have to go through it 6 times a day! A DAY! Two of them in complete darkness. We have flashlights that help us see but my brain doesn’t feel relieved…I want electricity!
You are probably thinking I would win that hideous reality show called Survivor. I’ve thought about it too and I think people would vote for me just to see/hear me squeak.
I also curse at noises that come from the trees as I walk. (Sorry mom)
I know it sounds dramatic and trust me Nosara is not exactly the jungle…it’s jungle-ish….but you have to remember that this comes from someone whose contact with nature growing up was having a dog as a pet.
So the jungle is scary, the beach has stingrays and the classes put me in a very vulnerable spot. Embracing your fears crash course anyone?
Talk about leaving your comfort zone! I like it though…it’s not easy but I’m slowly putting my guard down.
Coming up:
The Instute, my yoga practice, my FIRST TRAIL RUN & also how I survived my first tuc tuc ride.
