I Make Myself

Saved

 

I catch myself choosing silence.

My go-to shell. 

Maybe I said too much.   <--(Constant regret.) 

A question I continuously ask myself.

And Heinz.

"Did I say too much? Was that ok that I said that?"

I mean.

That's how I felt. 

I'm in my head a lot. 

In my space. 

And I don't mean that as a bad thing. 

Except when I need to step out. 

Running helps.

Running has always helped.

Until I robbed the fun out of it.

By making it measurable.

Made running quantifiable. 

Yet it is.

It was a conversation I needed to have.

With myself.

What is running?  <-- (for me.) 

That is why I stopped sharing about it. 

What was there to say about running if it wasn't about pr's and races.

Could I talk about running without the numbers. 

Yeah I could. 

I thought it would be boring. 

But boring is ok. 

Sometimes boring is only a stage. 

A thing to overcome. 

And then it's fun again.

Running should not be boring.

It may be.

It should not. 

But it can.

Then you make it fun. 

Because you love it. 

You want to make it work. 

And it surprises you.

Running always surprises me.

And if you stay with it.

If I keep going.

Forward. 

Moving. 

And then you start.

All over again. 

Making a start line out of the front door.

Each time I head out to run. 

I'm saved. 

.

 

Out and about

Last week's highlights included doing a little bit of exploring, discovering a new farmers market (not only produce but plants included) and watching my sister's new collection hit the runway. 

 

Besides sharing snapshots of my salvadorean life I've decided to start sharing different things I find fun, inspiring, challenging, beautiful and well, interesting and worth reading.

They will come from different sources but mostly from other blogs I read.

If I can help spread the love in anyway darn it I will.

Here are today's first cool-amazing-heart-melting-awesome links.

Amanda from RunToTheFinish is nothing but unknown in the running/blogging world. Her passion and determination blow my mind. She was one of the first running blogs I started to read and now one of the few I continue to read. It's not the first time I've mentioned her here. She was one of the bloggers that inspired my marathon training. She has an amazing weight loss story that she has been kind enough to share with all her readers. It's definitely much MUCH more than "just" a weight loss story. You can read it here.

GrowSoulBeautiful is a place where yoga and photography meet.  They have a fun and very insightful Instagram challenge called #YogaADay.  The idea is to explore asanas and self-portraits and upload them to Instagram adding the hashtag and tagging @growsoulbeautiful. They feature a selection of the uploaded pictures but of course you can see all of them by searching #YogaAday on Instagram. For me the idea of self-portraits (and I think I'm not alone on this one) represents pushing myself out of my comfort zone into a vulnerable place and interestingly enough, that is what yoga has been for me. I think this challenge captures the essence of freeing yourself in the asanas right on. You can read about the challenge here

Through Instagram I found Win Wiley. A photographer from Nebraska who simply lights up my feed. He shared a few words and some out-of-this-world images about Brooklyn and Trevor. These photos will fill your heart with love and inspiration.

it's been a short while since I've been following Gena's blog Choosing Raw. She's a vegan and I'm not even vegetarian but that doesn't mean that I don't find very useful resources on her website. On the contrary it's filled with not only yummy recipes but also interesting (to say the least) information on nutrition (She is a Certified Clinical Nutritionist), body image and wellness. If anyone has ever come close to convincing me -without even trying- to go vegan it's her. She's smart, rational and very well informed yet humble about it. I recently read what she wrote about an article in Marie Claire called "The Vegan Myth". It's a very well written piece worth reading (Gena's that is). The Marie Claire article states that veganism is something that is supposed to be healthy but it actually may not. I've heard this debate before. It was in the yoga community (anyone remember that NYT article?) and since it's all in the past I will leave it there. Gena's words are very wise and -I think- come from an honest place. You can read them here.

Enjoy a good read!

Running questions

I was craving a run yesterday.

All day long all I could think about was how much my body was telling me that I needed to get out and go for a run. But I wanted to drop in  my -recently back from India- teacher's yoga class. She and her classes are amazing and now that she's back from India  I want to squeeze every ounce of knowledge she brought back with her. So that was non-negotiable. I had to go to her class.

I thought it would be too much to go for a run and then still go to the yoga class but...eh...I just went with it.

Anyways it was not more than a 45-minute run. Right?

I thought the newly updated play-list would keep me entertained as well as focused throughout this short period of time.

Ehm...Not so much.

My head was all over the place. Maybe my thoughts were following my pace towards a totally unstable universe.

I know I've said I want to run with a time oriented mindset so I won't stress myself out but man oh man old habits are hard to kill.

Maybe it's not the mindset...maybe it's me!

As I was running I thought back of the first times I went out for a run. 

It was while I was living in France. The cutest little trail next to a river was my running track. As I started to look back I remembered the feelings and the sensations of each run. 

They might not even be called runs. I went out. Sometimes I ran, sometimes I walked, sometimes I ran-walked-ran-walked-walked.

Everything was so new to me. France, the trail, the river, my body doing any kind of physical activity. So I didn't have high expectations because it was all about exploring. 

I want that feeling back.

I guess I'm not just figuring out my gait and foot strike but also my running motivation.

And you know what?...I'm cool with that...I'm up for it.

Does that mean I won't be a race runner? Could I be happy with "just" running every other day with no distance, no pace in mind?

What do I find in running that fills my heart and clears my mind? Is it goal setting? where do I draw the line between goal setting and obsessing? 

Yesterday's run came with more questions asked than answered.

And yoga after running. Best idea ever.

Clearly I was a little bit more tired than I would've wanted to but I am so glad I didn't miss it. The class was about alignment through relaxing. Need I say more?

A great class, a great lesson.

Namaste everyone!

Intuitive Running

On a non-yoga related news.....

I finally went out for a run!

Friday I had decided to take the day off and rest from any yoga activity.

By lunch I was considering going for an afternoon run, by 6:00 PM I was out the door.

I had to drive to an area where I feel safe running by myself. The traffic was a little crazy but I managed to get there while there was still some light out.

I set my Garmin for a 45 minute run. No distance or pace in mind.

As I wrote a little about it here this year I am not into running with a distance, pace or PR mindset. This year I will run to get to know my body.

This post is about running but now I have to bring back yoga into the picture. For me yoga has helped me get in tune with my body. It constantly teaches me how to listen to my body and learn from my body's own wisdom, listening to that intuitive voice within me.

Since that has been very emotionally and physically healing for me I wanted to bring that approach into running. You can say this year will be about intuitive running for me. That is why I am not signing up for any races. I am spending this year focusing on learning how my body runs.

It's very liberating. I know being number-oriented can help you track your running progress and make it  easier to make it a gradual process instead of going full out and burning yourself out.

I know that works for many (maybe most) people but for me, well, that's how I got myself injured.

I loooooove yoga but running is my meditation and I want to be able to continue doing it for as long as I can. In order to do that I have to take good care of my body and getting injured wont get me there. I want to give myself this time to figure out what works for me.

Back to Friday afternoon.

The goals for this run were to:

• Do an easy run
• Start to figure out what pace or paces feel more natural and comfortable to me
• Try to maintain a steady pace by focusing on my breath and feeling.
• Constantly check where each part of my body was and how they felt (specially my legs)

With these few things on my mind I stretched a little, started my Garmin and hit the road.

These are the things I picked up from my body while I was running:

I noticed that I don't engage my core. I had to remind myself to do it a few times, specially going up or down hill. They weren't particularly steep but El Salvador is not a flat place to run in so I do encounter a couple of them in every running route.

I also noticed that I put and carry some stress on my back. Maybe this has to do with not engaging the core?

Since I wanted to start out slow I tried to control my pace which made my stride feel uncomfortably short. I felt I had to put a lot of effort in what should have been a slow, gentle pace. I started to pick up my pace and my stride automatically became a little bit longer feeling a lot more natural to me. This means that I had to keep a somewhat fast pace (not superman fast) to keep what felt like a more natural stride for me.

When I was training I put a lot of effort in maintaining a slow pace, specially in longer runs. Since I don't care about distance right now a faster pace was not hard to keep up for a 45 minute run.

My pace was definitely not even. I know this is a tricky one because even people who have been running for a long time sometimes have a hard time managing a steady pace. Even if I hadn't worn my Garmin I still would have known my pace was all over the place but I didn't mind it too much as I am trying to figure out what pace my body feels more comfortable in.

My greatest discovery was my foot strike. This totally blew my mind.

During my run I kept feeling I was landing on the outer side of my right foot. I've always known I land on my mid foot and roll towards my toes. I didn't know that my left foot lands on the center and my right on the outside border. My right leg has been the most prone to injuries. I do wonder if this has something to do with it.

I came home and I immediately checked my old shoes. I still have the shoes I trained and ran the marathon in so I grabbed them and found this:

The outer side of the sole is completely gone from the right shoe.

Now, I am not claiming that what I've discovered is good or bad. I am keeping those two words out of my running vocabulary for a least this year. What I think is beyond cool is that I was able to FEEL it which is my main goal! I was able to figure out an aspect of my foot strike by  listening to my body.

I am also not making any harsh decisions based solely on this run. This is a starting point for me and my research.

As a final note, I just want to say that  as I tried to upload my last workout from my Garmin to my computer I -still don't know how- managed to erase it from Garmin so I will take it as a sign that life is encouraging me not to focus on numbers. Pat in the back from me to me.

 

2013 what's ahead

I don't know about you but 2013 is shaping up to be a pretty awesome year: yoga classes + new projects + more traveling = fun.

I am diggin' it.

However I did not feel the same way about 2012 at all. Emphasis on the AT ALL part!

I remember last year  getting together with my friends to write down our New Years resolutions. We started this tradition a couple of years ago but last year I think we did it as a pep-talk & moral support activity because we were all kind of down. I remember we all had a hard time coming up with our resolutions trying to hold on to our faith that 2012 would be a good year.

I can't even remember why we were all feeling so beaten-up back when 2012 started and after all the anxiety it turns out last year was pretty great for all of us.

This year I'm shifting my goals though and...everything is getting logged in my Le Petit Prince Moleskine special edition!

I almost cried when I saw this at the bookstore. I love am obsessed with Moleskine products and every year I always get a new daily planner from them. Le Petit Prince is one of my favorite (if not my favorite) book of all times. I even have the elephant&boa drawing tattooed so  to have a Moleskine daily planner with my favorite book...COME ON! I can only take this as a sign. 

Back to the goals.

Let's start with running.

I had thought I wanted to run a second marathon but that is no longer in my plans. Instead of having a marathon as a goal my main objective this year is to have an injury-free year.

How will I achieve that?

You see I would always get injured. Even when I wasn't in "training mode". The problem? over-a-chie-ver Ruth.

Yes, I was my own problem. Running started out as a "safe" zone where I felt free and most important...I felt happy.

Don't get me wrong it still is but having back to  back injuries can leave you burned out. 

Somewhere last year running lost its fun. I would gear up and it would take me forever to get my foot out the door. Antichafer, hydration, power gels, putting on those darn compression sleeves, setting up my Garmin, pace, distance...it all became too much.

I know I came to yoga because I'd heard it would help me with my running injuries and it did. You would think that it was all the stretching that helped me but actually it wasn't. Yoga has helped me in giving me the confidence to be...moderate. For me this means I don't have to push myself anymore. It means I don't have to prove myself  through races or PR"s to call myself a runner. 

This year I'm taking my yoga practice off the mat and bringing it into my running. I will do this by setting how-I-feel- goals. You can call them intentions because I will. 

I will run for fun and I will -only- run for fun. That's it.

No more losing weight related, no more pace & distance related shizzle. I will just have fun.

Will I wear my Garmin? Well of course! Specially because I got a new -fancy- one for Christmas. 

Black...but fancy. Apparently more sofisticated means less colorful. Garmin needs to pimp them up.

But I will wear it to set myself a goal, I will wear my Garmin to get to know my body.

I will check what pace my body feels more comfortable in. I will check it to see what distance my body loves to run. 

I will use my Garmin as a learning tool not as a measuring tool. Nope, not this year.

This year I will not measure my running in how far or fast I can run. I will spend this whole year learning.

I will continue to share distance and numbers here but what's most important to me is that I will share whatever it is I learn.

The same goes into my yoga practice. 

My goal is to discover. DIscover my body, my emotions, mindsets...and you know...learn.

I do want to continue my trainings. I really want to make it to the Self Awakening Yoga training in March at the Nosara Yoga Institute. 

I think it may happen :)

I hope you stick around this year. Not only to read whatever I mumble but to share your story too. Let me know what YOU are setting your mind to, what  your struggles & your achievements are. Let's all make this 2013 great. Don't leave me alone in my fun quest. Join in. Let's have fun together.

The Holidays

Vacations is almost over. I officially will be back to work on Monday.

Yes, I make my own schedule so that means my boss (me) is actually excited about not working until next week.

I feel like I've been on a two-month vacation. First it was a whole month in Costa Rica and then I came back for a couple of weeks and left again. This time it was to go to Miami.

Heinz's grandparents, aunt, uncle, nieces and a nephew live there and actually I've got family there too. We decided to spend Christmas with them and on December 23rd we were off. 

Miami has been a big part of both our lives. We each grew up visiting our family there, spending holidays and summer breaks in this sunny city. We even got married there - it's a long story but someday I'll share it here :) -

Christmas Eve was a mix of German and Cuban cuisine: PERFECT. Oma (which translates to grandmother in English) cooked an awesome Lomo (read pork in Spanish)

Very multicultural right?

Christmas Day was my side of the family's day. My aunt cooked Gallina India which is a traditional Salvadorean dish. I wish I could use a different word other than -extraordinary- to describe it but I can't. I can't even describe what it tastes like because it has a lot of traditional spices and I just feel it tastes like home. 

We spent a week in Miami and before we left on the 30th I went for my last 2012 run. 

It was a very emotional moment. I like to run on the 31st but I wanted to take advantage that I was there to run my last run of the year. 

It was a 45-minute no pace & no distance oriented run.

Half way through my run I couldn't stop the tears, I started thinking that 2012 has been the hardest yet most amazing year. I ran my first marathon, I got my yoga teacher training certification, I became a freelance writer, I traveled, I laughed, I cried, I complained (a lot),  I blogged and I faced a lot of fears.

But out of everything that happened there was one thing -I think-  was the most valuable lesson I learned. From me to me.

I realized all my goals for this year had been based on numbers: How many things I can get done in a day, a month, a year. How quick can I become the person I want to be. How fast can I run, how far can I go. All numbers, numbers, numbers.

Have you ever felt that you get a lot of things done but yet still feel unaccomplished? That is how I used to feel and that is because numbers are good for certain things but they can't measure how much fun or  frustration you'll get out of something.

This year -by the way- I'm doing the opposite. That means I still will plan mostly everything (I can't help it it's my thing!) but I'll try to be careful not to power through things on my to-do list. I'll try to live them out instead of just crossing them out.

Here are some snapshots from my last run. I love that I was able to bring my phone with me and capture that sacred moment when I was cut off by this bridge...Miami's version of a traffic jam? 

 

 

Unstucking process

As a freelancer/entrepreneur I try to set myself a working schedule. Isn't that why most people want to become their own boss?

I organize meetings, write, research and rest as I want.

That is...most of the time.

These past few days have been the busiest weeks I've had since the beginning of the year.

 - In with the work out with the workouts -

It has been incredibly hard to squeeze in a run to the gym, a yoga class or a light jog.

This week I decided it was enough. Working out is not something I do, it is part of who I am. 

First of all I had to deal with the fact that I want to do everything at once. I understand that this is aggravated by the fact that I leave in a week and I won't be able to do any work for a month.

Still, it is my fault for trying to fit EVERYTHING in one day, week, etc. Note to self:  Distribute the work load.

Then I had to come to terms with another fact: I wont finish everything before I leave and that...is not the end of the world.

Subconscious thinks: Scary. My mind says: but true. 

There are things I can't control. Some may be good (work) and some may be overwhelming (too much work) but I have to learn to take them in as they pop up in my life. Now, this is easier said than done. I keep repeating myself "deal with it, deal with it"  and at the same time my back is so tense that one of my shoulders is kind of stuck. I think I could use a massage.

I finally made myself get out and go for a run. It is unbelievable how 30 minutes of doing what you love can remind you how to be yourself.

Call it a mirror, a time travel, meditation, pep talk, me time...I don't care. It redirects you.

As I learn to balance my life and my shoulder gets slowly unstuck I tell myself something:

As I said there are things I can't control, from time to time I may find not only my shoulder but my whole self stuck in life ...but at least I know what I need to do to get unstuck. Thirty minutes of doing what I love will have me moving forward in no time.

Have you found what you need to do to unstuck yourself? If you have please share!

• Mentally prepared? •

It's funny how the brain works. Take a look at what's inside my head. This is how I "think" I am preparing for my Yoga Teacher Training Program:

I am a little concerned about my wardrobe. I don't have enough yoga clothes to wear for two weeks let alone an entire month and how I will handle laundry still escapes my mind.

I'm not sure I will be able to run. Nosara has dusty roads and if I do manage to get some running done it will certainly be trail running and I don't have trail running shoes. I wonder if wearing my regular shoes will get me injured.

I haven't even asked if I will have hot water in the shower. Damn it! 6:00 AM classes will be not be fun if I have to shower with cold water. Not showering at all may become an option.

Should I bring my yoga mat? That thing is heavy...I should buy some kind of transportation method.

Who will water my basel while I'm gone? Heinz will forget about my plants.

Should I venture into surfing while I'm there? Last time the stingrays warning signs freaked the hell out of me. Even though they are not as frequent these sea creatures do visit the shore once in a while. Getting sting must hurt. Ouch.

I should pack medication...and also a flashlight.

 
In Nosara there is barely any light at night and I give you the wiggle-your-feet sign. Scary.

If you take a close look at my "preparation list" you will realize...just as I did...that I am not preparing but instead I am worrying.

Of course I have to think about these things but I also have to think about the fun -not stingray related- stuff that I will get to experience.

That is what I tend to do. I focus on things that could go wrong, what to do in case something bad happens and how to avoid uncomfortable situations. I anticipate the negative and put aside the positive. It's not that I'm not aware of the good things but I somehow take them for granted.

I make myself stop when I find myself drifting into over-worrying land -Preppers anyone?-. I tell myself it is ok if I get sting buy a stingray or if my basel drys out -Although Heinz will be held responsible for this- A bad moment doesn't mean a bad day. A bad day doesn't mean a bad month and a bad month doesn't mean a bad year. 

I could go on about this...

An ugly argument doesn't mean you have a bad relationship, an unbearable day at work doesn't mean you have a lousy job, a bad run doesn't mean you suck at running...get the point?

It's not always easy to think this way but I feel it helps me put things into perspective. 

If you find yourself worrying too much while telling yourself you are mentally preparing....you may want to give this a try.

In the mean time tell me...have you ever seen a stingray up close?

• Of not running & other things •

This past week was a little blah, I pulled something and had to go on anti-inflammatory medication and skip the gym.

Not happy Ruthy. Sorry Heinz.

The weekend however was actually pretty good. I think it was an attitude change and a let-go approach.

Today I am feeling more like myself and even though I wasn't able to run this weekend I did a couple of other things that tend to keep me entertained.

Friday night Heinz and I had our usual date night filled with his&her drinks. "Beer for the lady and sparkling water for him?" -that is what the bartender offered..we do go to the same place every single weekend so they know now that the beer is for me. Saturday morning I had  breakfast with my parents. Fun but not the official highlight.

Afterwards I went straight to heaven and back.

 
 

*** HIghlight of my weekend right here! ***

It was all downhill from there. I got together with a friend to go treasure hunting at the thrift shops we know. I L.O.V.E to hit the stores with her! she has an amazing eye and she tends to keep me focused when I am on the I-want-to-buy-everything high plus she is funny!

I was looking for two pieces of furniture for my apartment: a table and a chair. I went with a clear mind but came back having bought everything but the two pieces.

Sunday was an early church service day and then the beach...with some real fish tacos.

Here is what my weekend looked like according to my phone.

 
 

Sunday night was clearly movie night.

 

I was watching the last Harry Potter movie -so sad!-  when I looked over to Heinz and he was well...watching the movie with his eyes closed. I guess that is how he deals with Voldermort. He can be pretty scary.

So you see I can have fun even though running is not involved. I can adapt. I think.

How about you? Do you find it hard to keep your mind from running when you can't run? How do you entertain yourself on a non-running weekend?

• A different mindset •

Last monday I told you how I -somehow- have managed to run faster...without piling up the miles!

This weekend I had decided  to run and try out again the -no distance- mindset. I'm normally doing the "long" runs on saturdays so I can take sunday off and well -don't hate me- hit the beach every weekend.

But as you know life is full of fun unplanned stuff and friday night a bunch of my girls and I got together to celebrate all of this month's birthdays (4 birthdays total). Friday night + birthday celebration + 90's music...you do the math.

Saturday's run wasn't happening.

I woke up and decided to have a lazy morning. No making the bed, no doing the dishes and no showering allowed. I wondered why I felt so tired and it was no surprise when that very day I got the monthly visit. I know this must be too much information to share but what the heck... when I'm in THAT time of the month I lose my will to do anything...I even lose my appetite! It all got better once I turned on the TV because there was a Sex and the City marathon. Every episode from start to finish and that is how I spent my day.

Sunday was running day -clearly!-

This is what San Salvador looked like by 4:00 PM.

My plan was to go running at 5 in the afternoon so I didn't want to really call it quits until the clock hit 5. God, nature and life must really support running because I got clear skies and decided to go out. It was too risky to go out for a full hour so I decided that a 45-minute run would be perfect. 

I ran 8.36 KM which is a little more than 5 miles...in 45 minutes!! even Nike+ acknowledge I had run my fastest mile.

Now, I want to be clear...I am running faster which is great but I'm not going to try and get better at it and this is  why: I've put too much pressure on me before and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to keep running fun.

Numbers are a way to measure your progress and even though I couldn't be happier about this "new me" the truth is running faster is simply not my goal right now. I have been prone to injuries in the past so I want a slower but stronger progress and most important I want to learn to set and keep my own goals.

As a runner you can easily get very competitive with others. You may have heard conversations and comments like:  "Oh I ran 10KM today" "Really, well I ran 11KM yesterday" "You don't do speed work? argh" "Running on the treadmill is not really running"

I don't want to get into that. You should be able to run on the treadmill, train for a marathon or power walk daily and no one should be judging your workouts and your goals and YOU shouldn't be comparing yourself with others. So what if your friend, sister or a blogger ran 15K as a morning run...so what? you should never feel less accomplished because you "only ran 3KM"

Have you been one of those "I only ran" runners? Have you felt less of a runner because you compare yourself with others? I know I have and I don't want to put myself in that place anymore. What do you say? Are you with me?

Let's keep running fun! Let's keep things not complicated. Let's start the week with a different mindset!